Being a monster-kid in the 80's was, to quote Skeletor, "totally fucking rad." This was largely due to the creation of gross boy toys. At some point a marketing genius in the toy industry had the realization that boys were really into nasty, horrific shit. So, instead of only having wholesome bullshit like Cabbage Patch Kids, we got Garbage Pail Kids, who were constantly getting their limbs ripped off or nonchalantly puking into soup.
 |
| The secret ingredient is love. No wait, it's fucking puke. |
The
world would forever be a grosser place. Perhaps
one of the greatest toys to come out of this gross-out movement were Madballs,
which greatly improved on the traditional ball by adding rotten teeth, exposed brains, and loosely tethered eyeballs. Finally, a ball for kids who hate sports!
Given
the popularity of Madballs, it should come as no surprise that eventually
someone had the idea to make a horror movie about a giant one that eats people. I’m
kind of surprised that there is only one, actually. And that it’s not more
well-known. And that Waterboy is on DVD but this is not. Whatever. 1988’s The Brain
is here to savage your spinal remains.
Maybe I'm making too much of this resemblance to Madballs...
Maybe not.
The Brain is
about a giant brain beast from space that eats people. It is kept in a secret lab by the nefarious
Dr. Blake (Re-Animator’s David Gale). Everything
is going fine until meddling teen Jim and his meddling girlfriend Janet (who
was the voice of Princess Zelda) get caught up in The Brain’s schemes for world
domination. They eventually put a stop to him, but not before he devours a few stupid humans, stupid brains and all.
Love at first bite.
Love at first bite.
 | ||||||||||||||||||
| Don't worry, someone actually says "That's food for thought." right after this transpires. |
 |
| A terrible thing to taste. |
The Brain isn't just some one-trick giant brain pony biting people's heads off. He is a gigantic fucking brain, after all. Like Dr. Phil, he can also make ordinary folks commit violent atrocities against their loved ones by brainwashing them through his TV show.
Housewife chainsaw gutsfucks husband!
 |
| This is exactly why I'm not getting married. |
What this movie lacks in plot it more than makes up for in Japanese sex tentacles. I don't recall seeing a single sex tentacle in Waterboy. Probably because I never watched it.
Japanese Teddy Ruxpin is nothing to fuck with
Our hero gets his balls slapped by a steering wheel sex tentacle.
 | |||||
| This is exactly why I don't drive. |
The Brain is not a perfect movie by any means. It's mostly filler with a dash of killer. If all the boring chase scenes were cut it would make a perfect little 40 minute bloodbath. Why don't people remake obscure, unsuccessful movies? There's so much room for improvement on this awesome fucking premise.
Anyway, here's some tits.
No comments:
Post a Comment